Dominionist Governor Rick Perry Acknowledges Abuse of Power Allowing Austin to Secede from Texas

Rick Perry, well known Dominionist, acknowledged his abuse of power in tears today as he signed an executive order permitting Austin, Texas and the whole of Travis County to be set free from the conservative hell hole known as Texas. The liberal county was cut loose and may seek to form the 51st state.

Perry is known for his Dominionism, which teaches that Christ can't empower the gospel without government aid and assistance. Dominionists like to make government into a church, which has proven to be a disaster over the years, while cutting off food stamps to as many people as possible.

This obvious abuse of power makes his attempt to cut off funds to the judicial system in their pursuit of justice look like a Tea Party. Well, not the Tea Party. Let's just say it makes the attempt to cut off judicial funds look like a party.

Perry recently sported the Russell Westbrook dark rim glasses look and was injured when a descendent of Curly Joe, or maybe it was Moe, poked him in both eyes through the lensless rims.

Perry felt that the dark rims would make him look a little smarter, noting that "Russell Westbrook looks like a genius and our state is proud of the OKC Thunder and the attention that team brings to Texas."

Perry made no claims that the rims would make him look that much smarter as he feels he has gotten away with sub average intelligence for years, relying on red neck idiots to keep him in power. He acknowledges that he is smarter than they are and that is all that matters.

He does feel some sorrow in letting Travis County go, because he looks to the Texas Chainsaw Massacres as proof that guns don't kill people, chainsaws do. Losing that state history does give Governor Perry regret.

Perry also will bid goodbye to gays in the state who he likes privately if not publicly. 

Perry decided on the drastic course of action to let Austin secede so that the lawsuit about the judicial system he was trying to undermine would not drag out to the elections. He wants to become the second Texan to bomb buildings in the US and kill US citizens and can only do that by winning the presidency.

In the meantime, Perry will browbeat 9/11 Truthers because he wants his party to escape the shame it deserves, potentially rendering it obsolete like the Whigs. He is a known Zionist as well, according to the Washington Post.

Perry is hoping that his support of Israel would permit Texas to become the first state of Israel, post Texas secession. It really isn't necessary, because revelations of Israel raiding the US defense department over the years reveals that the entire United States is Israel's first state.

But thanks anyway, Rick! 


For a serious look at Republican failings, although my satire blasts Democrats as well, check out the ebook Dirty Dirty Republicans on Amazon


Disclaimer, I am somewhat liberal but support gun rights because I don't trust the globalists and I don't want to be killed by a chainsaw. This article is satirical, and while loaded with truth in my opinion, it is up to the reader to verify claims of this article, which are made in jest and are not necessarily proven fact. Some claims here are fiction and the following satire articles by me also have premises that are either fictional or wildly exaggerated. This is my first satirical article and it has been great fun.

Comments

  1. not sure my comment stuck, but this is great and I am now aware you do satire too. well done!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Granny, I have fun with it and try my best. Glad you enjoyed it. Your comment stuck and is appreciated!

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