Worldwide Soccer League to Launch Committee Picks Team Names, Creates Controversy

Controversy surrounds the assignment of team names to the new Sovereign World Soccer League. While teams and nations are excited about the opportunity to play the best on a regular basis, names have become a sticking point going forward. Let's look at the names as currently assigned.

The Brazilian team, with historical ties to the World Cup, has been named by the committee. They decided on the name Loafers, for Rio's tie to Sugar Loaf Mountain, one of the most popular landmarks in the world. The effort of the Brazilians on the field at the last world cup suggested the team name, Loafers, as well.

The Eurozone was only allowed one team, due to the committee's opinion that a shared currency makes each nation less than sovereign. After all, the name of the new league is Sovereign World Soccer League, and you cannot have teams participating from nations that are less than sovereign. In keeping with this thought, the committee named the Eurozone team the Super Sovereigns.

The Russian team only is permitted to play when sanctions are not being applied. This is because they are regional and the committee is globalist and rules with an iron fist. The Russians will be named, the Part Timers. 

The US team could have been named the Eagles. However, due to the run in with the native Indian tribes in its settlement and the fact that the Eagle is being led around by the nose, or should I say, beak, by Israel, the committee settled on the name, the USA Super Sparrows. 

The Japanese team could have been named the Fookers, as the committee was displeased with the nuclear meltdown at Fukushima. However, in keeping with the theme, the committee decided to name the team the Nuclear Meltdowns, or for short, the Meltdowns. The committee decided any nation stupid enough to put nuclear plants near a massive subduction zone deserved that theme in the name. 

The Argentinian team will be known as the Singers having put it to the hedge fund King, Paul Singer. Rather than abide by the ruling of Judge Greasy-Dirty-Grimy, the Argentines decided to issue their own bonds from their own bank. Singer was left without a song, which has been given to Argentina as a perky soccer name.

The UK sticks it to the world with their financial system, on which the sun never sets. The original thought was to name the team the Squares, after the Square Mile of financial mischief, and for all the squares in London, such as Trafalgar. However, because the biblical Gog and Magog are kept there in the form of Roman statues, to guard the seat of world finance, the committee decided to name the team the Gogs and Magogs.

The Australian team, in honor of the Invasion of 1788, will be named the Prisoners. After all, they were prisoners from England, and concerning the Aborigines, they certainly took no prisoners.

The Chinese team will be named the Geckos, because Dragon is a bit too shop worn, and China is in the process of downsizing the real estate market, which is just too pricey. Indeed, the gecko is just a little teeny-weeny dragon.

The Ukraine will have a team. Its uniforms are bought and paid for by the United States, who also paid for its revolution. It was determined by the committee that the Ukraine cannot afford to pay for anything. The committee decided that the Ukrainians fired on their own rebels to score political points, displeasing the committee. They have named the team the False Flags. No, not Six Flags, the real name is the False Flags.

And finally the committee debated whether to keep the Israeli team out of the league, in honor of the BDS Movement. But the committee decided the Israelis could participate if they agreed to a name of shame. They first thought about naming the Israeli team the Bombers or the Ruthless Killers, but decided that the essence of Israel, the fulness of its being can best be explained by the occupation of the Palestinians. So, henceforth, the Israelis will play in shame and be named the Occupiers.

Well, that about wraps it up. The committee looks forward to comments and input, but all names are final. As author of this poke at lots of nationalities, I reaffirm my opposition to all forms of racial superiority by any race, and oppose persecution of any race, as entire races of people do not foment these crazy doctrines of supremacy.

Disclaimer: This article contains satire and humor, and while loaded with truth in my opinion, it is up to the reader to verify the claims of the article, which are made in jest and are not necessarily proven fact. Some claims are fiction.

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