Fearing a New Isla Vista, Santa Maria Sends Helicopter to Stop Food Fight Near Bank of America

Fearing another Isla Vista, police in Santa Maria, California send a helicopter to Righetti High School, less than a mile away from Bank of America on Broadway. That high school experienced a mammoth food fight. Well, maybe more like a miniature mammoth.

Only 4 people were involved. Yes, a helicopter for a 4 person food fight. (He laughs uncontrollably) The police spokesman said that Isla Vista is always on the mind of any law enforcement officer in Santa Barbara County. Nothing can get out of hand. Anarchy must be reined in.

Of course, Isla Vista is famous, or infamous, for the burning down of Bank of America. When you see banks being built like metal fortresses, you can thank the guys who started that fire after the Kunstler speech, for bankster caution going forward.

There is no other sane reason that a helicopter would be sent to a food fight among 4 fricken people if it weren't for the nearby location of the bank. Or perhaps the idiot law enforcement officers in Santa Maria are insane, thanks to living in paradise where it never snows, but not quite in beautiful Santa Barbara. Always second best, right, Santa Maria?    

Turns out, I am intimately involved in two similar plot lines of this breaking story. I witnessed the Bank of America being burned down in Isla Vista, the bedroom community of UCSB, back in '69. I saw the flames. I would have taken a selfie today to prove it but you will have to take my word for it that I was there. I got tear gassed, not because I stood in front of a tank, but because I opened my window at the wrong damn time. That sheet is nasty.

I was also in the mother of all food fights, that occurred in 1966 at Coalinga High School, in central California. I was a wimp at the time and hid under the table. Or maybe I didn't want evidence to be found all over my shirt. It was a long time ago.

I may have only thrown one pile of food. Thank God the statue, or was it statute, of limitations has run out and I can admit it. It was raining cake. It wasn't raining men, it was raining fricken cake.

So, having been in a food fight where police were not called, and having seen the bank of America burn to the ground, where police were not involved, I feel I am an expert on the bank of America. You all do know this idiot bank has 65 trillion dollars of derivatives that must be paid by the FDIC before you get a dime of insurance. I don't think there is close to 65 trillion dollars of funding at the FDIC, if you know what I mean.

Get your money out of Bank of America yesterday! Sheet people. They are fookers. They were fookers then and they are bigger fookers with the housing bubble and credit crisis that followed. Get the money out. They are Too Big to Smell.

After all, it should be a crime to offer loans to people that you know they can't pay back. And even more so as these loans actually artificially drove up the price of houses! 

And I feel I am an expert on food fights as well. Don't throw wet stuff. Only throw cake, because it is awesome seeing cake do its thing. And leave the scene quickly. After all, it isn't hit and run.

Maybe the globalists are starting to crack down because they fear a cake in the face. Why did they order the poor Santa Maria PD to send a helicopter, just to protect the Bank of America?

Disclaimer: This article contains satire and humor, and while loaded with truth in my opinion, it is up to the reader to verify the claims of the article, which are made in jest and are not necessarily proven fact. Some claims are fiction.


  1. Sorry I missed the food fight! I left Coalinga the summer of 1964. By Coalinga standards, I just missed it by a whisker hair.

  2. Lol, Anon, I see you are pining to be a part of Coalinga History. Well, not only was I involved in the food fight, but I moved and came back one month before the earthquake. Talk about history and timing! I have moved to Nevada since then.


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