Facing Depression, Independent Texas Makes Pact with Russia

Texas is facing a depression. If oil goes to 20 or 30 dollars a barrel, the Texas economy is toast. Californians will laugh at Texas, not the other way around. So, Texas has decided to exert its independence from the United States by making a pact with Russia.

Yes, the rednecks of Texas are making a pact with the Cossacks of Russia! Texas will provide financial and technical aid to Russia in exchange for Russia's disruption of the middle east. Getting those oil prices up is the end goal.

Yes, Rick Perry has been described by the Washington Post as a Zionist. But that was when oil prices were humming along. Rock bottom prices change men and test their courage. Zionism is an evil and wicked doctrine of political regime change and empire, and it seems more senseless than ever when oil is scraping bottom.

Rick Perry held a press conference and angrily stated:

I am putting my Zionism on hold. I can't trust the bankers who have more money than my oil people, and don't make crap. We don't actually make anything either, but we produce oil. The damn bankers just produce bad loans. What makes sense in this economy, people? Screw the Zionists. Fighting for control of the middle east when oil is worth less than toilet paper is simply a waste of time and resources.

I am naming Chuck Hagel as the oil Czar of Texas. Hagel knows about the New World Order and its danger, and got fired from his job as Secretary of Defense because of that knowledge. Since we are making a pact with Russia, having a Czar seems appropriate.
I don't give a flying fook about what the Republicans think about Czars. They want oil to scrape the bottom, put our people out of a job. And for what? They want Russia's oil. We have enough oil, for crying out loud.

Wow, that was quite a statement coming from a Republican chicken hawk. Perry went on to say:

Russia is not the problem here. Putin wants to keep a nation sovereign. We want Texas to be sovereign. Talk about a meeting of the minds, we have that with Russia. We will funnel money to the cause of national sovereignty. This Zionist empire is getting too dangerous. We are getting screwed as a state because they want to destroy Russia and take their oil. Greed knows no bounds. It is time to take a stand.

We can rest easy now that Texas as a state is coming to its senses. Perry is getting to know geography, finally realizing that Oklahoma City is not in Texas. Yes, Russell Westbrook is not a Texan, Rick. He was born in Long Beach, California and plays in Oklahoma!

But even Oklahoma is getting smacked by oil prices. Perry is starting to realize that manipulation of the oil market is not a good thing, and that we need a happy medium, not prices that are too high or too low based on manipulation by banksters.

Perry tried to get support from the state of Oklahoma. But with Boren there, you know, the guy in on the 9/11 conspiracy, Perry couldn't get Oklahoma's support. You can't get Skull and Crossbones folks to oppose empire.

As expected, the US government is not pleased with Perry. Obama held a news conference and said this:

We are playing a complex game of chess in the plan to take over the world. Perry is playing a game of checkers. He is a buffoon and we are the elite. He used to hang with us but is a petulant child. We are the adults, and our plan is to act like adults in taking over Russia, or incur nuclear war if we fail. That is the adult, macho way. I have balls that are almost as big as Dick Cheney's balls. Perry had better not forget that.

Wasn't it great to hear from the Commander in Chief? Republicans are reeling everywhere in seeing that Obama is the empire builder they always wanted and he is black. They have a lot of trouble with that.

They haven't had such issues since they found out their beloved country singer, Charley Pride, was black.

But I digress. Perry has sent a team of planners to Russia that will focus on how to slow down the supply of oil from the middle east using little or no violence. The team will be working on effective means to secretly block the Strait of Hormuz, and ways to surround Saudi Arabia without causing an all out war. Even the other world choke point for oil, the Strait of Malacca, is in play.

China could get more oil from Russia under the plan, and closing the Strait of Malacca could make it tough on pro US Asian powers, like Japan.

Perry's team is exploring all of this, even considering arming a fleet of pirates, to create havoc everywhere. You can never have too many pirates when trying to raise the price of oil.

We hope that sovereignty wins out over empire. We were dispersed at the Tower of Babel for a reason. Yet the empire has moved to arm the Ukraine. That is an act of cold war aggression by the USA against Russia. Sheet could hit the fan because of this irresponsible act, congress passed and Obama signed.

And if oil goes back up to 100 dollars a barrel, that will be too high and we will complain about speculation again. So, a happy medium would be much better.

Oh, and Perry is working with Canada and Australia to increase help for Russia. They have the same economic strengths and weaknesses so this alliance, which could one day be called TARC, for Texas, Australia, Russia and Canada, could be a powerful force for state sovereignty.

Disclaimer: This article contains satire and humor, and while loaded with truth in my opinion, it is up to the reader to verify the claims of the articles, which are made in jest and are not necessarily proven fact. Some claims are fiction.



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